Here’s my resume!
I’ve held a slew of strange job titles throughout my life. Unfortunately, your resume is supposed to mainly feature related experience, which makes sense, but I would argue that my unrelated experience has had just as much, if not more, of an impact on my life. These jobs have helped to shape me as a person, so I would like to take this time to quickly mention them as well.
UNRELATED WORK EXPERIENCE
Motivational JV Basketball Coach Who Yelled Things Like: “You got this!” “I’ll buy you guys pizza if you run instead of walk this game!” and “That’s the wrong hoop, Tina, but love where your head is at!”
Archery Instructor Even Though My Only Existing Knowledge of Archery Was Seeing Hunger Games And It Did Not Translate, As Exhibited By Several Broken Windows
Non Lifeguard-Certified Swim Teacher Who Was Regularly Asked If Tommy Would Ever Be Able To Take Off His Swimmies. Answer Was No.
Children’s Birthday Party Entertainer Who Would Ask Child What They Wanted Painted On Their Face, Would Be Told, “Spiderman,” And Would Respond, “Did You Say A Smiley Face? Because That Sounds Very Doable.”
Substitute Teacher Who Fell For The Classic, “Mrs. Robinson Always Lets Us Order Pizza Directly To The Classroom”
Instructor At “Learn To Ride” Program, Where I Taught Kids How To Ride Bikes While Their Parents Who Should’ve Taught Them How To Ride Bikes Sat On Benches Perusing Facebook